I know I said I would not post here again. My judgement on many matter seems to have been ...... inaccurate, of late, to say the least. Idiotic, to put it closer to the truth. I knew that she would post here eventually, or at least I hoped that she would. That she could write here without concern was what I wanted most for her. So I will not alter what she has said in any way. She is better at portraying me with accuracy then I am. She has clarity that I do not at the moment. Even through her emotion.

I have been waiting to make my reply. There is only a little that I need to add. I have to add it here because I am ..... I don't think I could say it to her face. Or even in an email or an sms. I am hoping that if she reads it, out in public, where others can see, so I can't deny it, she will believe it more then if I tried to get her attention while she is too frightened to believe. What she says is true - it was never my intension for strong emotions to enter into what we have. It was an arrangement, rather then a ........ But that isn't really relevant any more. We are at this place and now we have to deal with what we have.

The thing I want to add to my lady's words is simply this:

After Hidenka ran from the bath, I called to her. Called her name. There was no answer, except her door slamming down the hall.

I let out my breath. The bathroom floor was fuzzy through tears. My voice was a whisper. Even though I knew she was in her room, I was afraid that she would hear my confession.

"I love you too"