My impatience while I wait for my Sensei is astounding. As part of my lesson, Sensei is late. His arrival time passed by with nothing to show for it. After reading the note that he left for me, I have nothing more to do, but wait and daydream. This was not a good idea. My daydreams are full of the coming arrival. What will he do? Will he demand my attention as soon as he walks through the door? This has happened before and my Sensei is a hard man to resist. Or will he make me wait even longer? Will he touch me? Where will he let his hands play? My breath will catch as soon as he decides it is time. But time for what? What will Sensei do? Will he take my hand and lead me to the bedroom? Or the bathroom? Or will he take me in the foyer? Or will he wish to speak to me first, about what I have done while he has been gone? Or will he torture me with words and implications? Smooth sentences of what is to come? His breath in my ear as he whispers of his plans. His laughter as my eyes widen at what he wants me to do. The odd inflection in his voice as he explains what is to come, that always makes me shiver (at least, usually more).
Finally, it is too much for me. He is late. I cannot wait for his touch. He may punish me, but I must feel....... I lay on our bed. I squirm. I feel hot. And I am nervous. What if he arrives while I ...... If he finds me.......... I squirm, and mess up the sheets. I jump up to straighten them. Then I sit on the edge of the bed. I concentrate on the feelings that are welling. I think of his touch and gasp as I feel..... He would be pleased. If he felt me......
"Hidenka!"
My eyes focus on the cherry blossom outside the window. I hear his voice.
"Hidenka? Where is my lady hiding? I have come home to you"
I stand slowly and straighten the bed clothes again. The I rush on silent feet to the foyer. He is standing there, in his traveling clothes, just as my imagination told me. His is just as tall and striking as he has always been. His dark hair is neatly held back, and his dark blue eyes are focused on me. He knows.
"You are flushed, dear one. What have you been doing?"
I cannot speak for a moment. Then I bow.
"Welcome home, Sensei Kowaku"
He smiles, and nods. Then he also bows.
"My lady"
As I straighten up, he is at my side. He places one hand on the smalls of my back, and guides me close to him. I place my cheek against his chest and breath in his scent. I can smell the cherry blossoms. I close my eyes as I let the feelings wash over me again. He is pressed against me, close enough to know, close enough to let his hands wander. I gasp.
"I see that my lady was anticipating my arrival"
He smiles as he places a moist finger to his lips.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Coming Home
Three days is a long time. But then Sensei says that I am not a patient person, and I know this to be true. I have been waiting three days for him to return home. And three days is a long time. I am thinking that this must be a lesson that Sensei is teaching me. Patience is a virtue, he says, especially when one is...here, with me. I have often thought of these words, wondered at there exact meaning. Another lesson that Sensei will teach me later I guess. Even thinking of it makes me impatient to know!
Sensei is due to home in four hours. Only four more hours! I go over what I have done in his absence. Every morning I would rise early for my meditation. I do so on the insistence of Sensei. He says that a calm mind can more easily handle his lessons. And Oh! How true I have found this to be! After this, I would take a small meal. Then I would set about the tasks that he had set for that day. Most involved up-keep of our home, or something obscure that was related to my training. I am proud to say that I completed all of these task, though some were not easy. One of the more difficult was the cold shower - outside. He often speaks highly of my modesty, but he thinks that it needs to be...released a little at the least. So - more lessons.
As I think of the tasks, and how I was able to complete them all, I feel a little proud of myself. I hope that I am able to please Sensei with what I have done. Our home is beautiful; clean and bright. I know that he feels happy here, at peace with the world. I feel that this is dear to him. I think that learning about Sensei is one of the hardest tasks that he has set for me! And even though I have been with him for a time now, he makes it no easier!
Time goes slowly as I wait. I check the rooms one last time. Everything seems in order. But then I notice the papers at my writing desk. I have not tidied these! I hurry to the task. As I shuffle the papers, a small letter falls to the floor. It is written in the hand of my Sensei and is unopened. ow strange that I did not open it when I received it! I open it slowly and carefully so that I can safely put it away later:
Sensei Kowaku"
Oh Sensei! Why does he do such things to me! Now I am forced to wait with pinpricks of anticipation! He knows what it will do to me, and that I must endure. At least I know that he is suffering the same in his wait for me.
Sensei is due to home in four hours. Only four more hours! I go over what I have done in his absence. Every morning I would rise early for my meditation. I do so on the insistence of Sensei. He says that a calm mind can more easily handle his lessons. And Oh! How true I have found this to be! After this, I would take a small meal. Then I would set about the tasks that he had set for that day. Most involved up-keep of our home, or something obscure that was related to my training. I am proud to say that I completed all of these task, though some were not easy. One of the more difficult was the cold shower - outside. He often speaks highly of my modesty, but he thinks that it needs to be...released a little at the least. So - more lessons.
As I think of the tasks, and how I was able to complete them all, I feel a little proud of myself. I hope that I am able to please Sensei with what I have done. Our home is beautiful; clean and bright. I know that he feels happy here, at peace with the world. I feel that this is dear to him. I think that learning about Sensei is one of the hardest tasks that he has set for me! And even though I have been with him for a time now, he makes it no easier!
Time goes slowly as I wait. I check the rooms one last time. Everything seems in order. But then I notice the papers at my writing desk. I have not tidied these! I hurry to the task. As I shuffle the papers, a small letter falls to the floor. It is written in the hand of my Sensei and is unopened. ow strange that I did not open it when I received it! I open it slowly and carefully so that I can safely put it away later:
" Hidenka,
I know that patients is not a virtue that you posses yet, so I will leave you this note, hidden amongst your papers, where you will find it later as you tidy for my return. As I write this, I am already anticipating my return to your side with...a deep, throbbing fire. I expect you to be ready for me when I return, as I will need your....attention.
Sensei Kowaku"
Oh Sensei! Why does he do such things to me! Now I am forced to wait with pinpricks of anticipation! He knows what it will do to me, and that I must endure. At least I know that he is suffering the same in his wait for me.
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