Hidenka has been quite busy lately, as you will know if you have been reading the little comments she has been adding to my recollections. So I have decided to post the next part myself. This is my first true post here, and I do not plan to post regularly. This is Hidenka's place, although it was through my encouragement that she started it. It is important that she feels safe here. I thank all those who have encouraged her through comments and emails.
For a moment, I was at a loss. Did this mean she was staying? For how long? Did she truly understand? This part of me that I had kept hidden for so long felt naked and vulnerable under her gaze. But she had remained graceful, even in the face of this ..... I was unable to feel any other emotion besides deep gratitude. Her strength was amazing to me. She was the first not to waver at the knowledge of my needs.
She laid her head against my chest again, and closed her eyes. She was breathing rapidly, though she appeared calm. My mind was stuck. I couldn't think a clear thought. After the gratitude there was only need......
As I pushed her back onto the bed, a small squeak escaped her. My movements had been unexpected. She looked up at me with those eyes. Again there was an amount of fear, but there was also trust. She didn't know what was going to happen, but she trusted me. I had to keep that trust. It was the most important thing. So I had to be careful. I had managed up until now. The road was still long.
I covered her small body with my own, and met her mouth with mine. She didn't resist, but she wasn't as willing as she normally was. Already, there were changes in her. This would not do.
I pulled back and looked at her. I tried to read her thoughts through her eyes. She is so open. Telling what she is thinking is not usually difficult, even if she tries to hide it. Now it was doubly important.
But she did not give me time to think of the best thing to do next. She reached out her hands and took my face, guiding it back to her mouth. She kissed me this time, and I was unsure how to react. But then she was looking at me again.
"Do not be afraid of how I will react. I will tell you if I need to stop. You........(she took a shaky breath) you know me........"
That was too much. I pressed my mouth against hers again, harder this time, more insistent. I strained against my clothes, even as I ripped hers away. She was like snow, all white and glistening. For a moment, I stopped to take her in. A shaft of light from between the closed curtains picked out the red in her hair. Then the intense feels were taking over. I needed this. I needed it now.
I pulled my own clothes off, and threw them away. I pulled her up next to me. I ran my hands over her back, making her shiver. I licked her neck and ear. I know she likes this. I kneaded her backside. Her bottom is one of my favourite parts of her. She was becoming less tense. She was beginning to mellow again, as she was getting lost in the sensations. It is something that I have been encouraging her to do - loose herself in the sensations of her body. She was so uptight before, so separate from her body that she did not understand it. She was almost afraid of it.
Now it is different. I push her back onto the bed, and straddle her. She is already wet, already deep in that place. The place she needs to be so she is protected. And so I can be consumed by her, by my need for her. I fall into the sensations, kissing, licking, sucking, nibbling, stroking, smacking, tickling, listening to her giggling, sighing and to her breathing change as I go deeper, get closer. Feather touches driver her wild, she bucks against me. I thrill at her responses. And so tease her more and more. She is pushed closer to her climax, and then I retreat, making her groan and writhe in the absence of sensation.
She reaches out towards me and I lay over her once more. She pushes against me. Wanting. Needing. Her breath is warm on my neck as she nibbles there. She grasps at my back. There will be marks there. I push down on her, teasing, just the entrance. She pushes back, but I pull away. I kiss her. I devour her neck once more. She is breathing fast. She says something, but I am unable to distinguish exactly what it is, whether a moan or a word. Perhaps my name? I look down at her. She looks back, steadily. Her eyes are clouded with lust. They are intense. She reaches out towards my face, she strokes around my check and chin.
But it is a diversion on her part. She also reaches between my legs. She grasps me and guides me to were she wants me to be. I felt warmth and moist. I am drawn to it through lust and instinct. But then I grab her hand and pull away. She looks alarmed. It is the first time she has taking any kind of initiative in our bedroom activities. I am always in control here. I control how and what she feels, as well as what I feel. Her needs are always met. She always feel what she needs to for satisfaction. This move on her part was new, and (in her mind I am sure) dangerous. She was not sure how I would react. Things were moving too slowly, her lust at that point was too great. So she had felt comfortable enough to do something about it.
I reached the end of my tether. Teasing her was one thing, pushing myself to the point of climax before I was inside was out of the question. I got off her and opened the case above the bed. Anshinritsumei was waiting. When I looked back at her, she was sitting up. There was no time for anything else now, only lust. I needed this. I set Anshinritsumei down next to me, and pulled her around onto all fours. I rubbed her back and touched her inside, to help her relax. I was gentle but insistent. She began to mellow again. I upped the pace, and she began to crest. I pushed inside. She gave a squeaked and then moaned. I thrust rapidly for a few stokes and then more slowly. And then faster ..... and then more slowly. She bucks against me during the slow phase. She wants it hard and fast. This is what she has come to associate with her climax. It is selfish of me, but it is how I like it. I reach to my side and grasp Anshinritsumei. Then I give in to her need, and to my own. As I do, I stroke her back until I come. She takes six strokes. Not full force, but enough to thrill me, to push me over the edge, the feed the hunger, to feel satisfied on that deep animal level. My need is met .... for now.
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